Last year I went through a divorce with my wife of 20 years and it is fair to say that it has been one of the toughest years of my life. I wanted to write a quick piece for any men or women out there who are going through the same thing, just to share my experience and perhaps offer some help in terms of advice and tips. I have to give a huge shout out to Marrison family law, without who I would never have gotten through this in the way that I have. Right, here are my tips on making it through.
Lawyer
I was referred to Marrison from a friend of mine and whilst I didn’t go through the process of finding a great lawyer, I know what it means to have one and that is why I’d really recommend that anyone going through this does work hard and get themselves a wonderful law firm who will be able to do their bidding for them.
Self Love
Going through a divorce, even if it is you who is pushing for it, can really make you loathe yourself and it is vital that once the pity party is over that you do all that you can to get back on your feet and remind yourself of who you are and why you are important. Whether it is starting new skills and hobbies or meeting new people, you have to start making small changes to your life that will bode will for now and the future.
Toxicity
My ex wife and I were not in a good place at all for a very long time but as soon as we agreed on that divorce, I knew that I was done with the shouting, fighting and the toxicity. My wife clearly didn’t feel this way and would try to rile me but I had found some kind of calm now that everything was over. I’d really recommend trying this if possible, just shut it all off, it is over once that divorce is sorted out.
Someone New
I think that one of the worst things which you can do for at least a year or two after your divorce is to find someone new. There is simply too much baggage that you are going to be holding on to in order for this to be a happy and healthy relationship. Losing a wife or husband is like mourning a death and you have to give yourself enough time to properly grieve and learn what you want, only then can you even begin to think about getting with someone new.
Memories
Much like a scar, I have no problem in looking back, I may not have photos anymore but small items accumulated from the marriage really don’t bother me, this was part of my life and embrace that aspect of it. It is tempting to throw everything away but it is far better to hold on to it for now, then make a decision about it at a later date.